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A small vent - and question of sorts. sm

Posted: Feb 25th, 2020 - 11:56 am

Okay, so I've been an MT for 30 years.  I started having anxiety at 16.  Fast forward, I'm currently having a foggy feeling, startle easily, only want to go at a slow pace when transcribing.  I have to convert to VDI if I want to keep my job, which, of course, only pays 4 cpl, but there is no schedule.  I'm starting treatment this week once again in an outpatient setting a few hours a day a few days a week.  I'm in my 40s.  I feel like it's this industry.  My finances are horrific.  I am constantly changing meds, mood swings, seeing this doctor and that doctor, have had gallbladder removed, have ovarian cysts they did want to remove but now do not (weighing heavily since two of my mom's sisters died of uterine and ovarian cancer as well as had breast cancer).  

My doctor is suggesting SSDI, since I've tried over 10 jobs in the last year outside and inside the home to no avail.  I have these serious panic attacks that take my breath away and then I begin to shut down.

I'm hoping for a more formal diagnosis.  However, I want to continue to transcribe on a very part-time basis as it is what I love even though the pay is very low.  I still get frustrated, but I can walk away and make my own hours.

I just don't know if VDI is going to work for me.  I am so afraid that I will freak out.  

Does anyone else have this dilemma?  Can't work outside the home due to health issues but cannot even fathom the stress when undertaking something like VDI and/or yet another platform to learn/use?

Anyway...  Just throwing this out there.  Got to go...  Wish me luck because I really need it and some prayers.  I'm at a low.



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