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How do you get your family to leave you alone? - slave wages

Posted: Mar 23, 2012

It's hard enough to get my lines in. I tell my family I'm on the clock, I have to work, but they just don't pay any attention. If they are here, they walk right in, sit down and start talking, even though they can see my fingers poised over the keyboard and my headphones on. If they are not here, they call, and then they have to repeat everything three times. I know I could clock out but I can't just abandon a job I'm in the middle of so even if I do clock out, it will show up as that "not working" time whatever they call it, plus so often, my husband manages to come in to visit five minutes after I've just sat back down to work from a lunch break. How can I make them understand?

how do you get your family to leave you alone - me

[ In Reply To ..]
1. Shut the door. Lock it if necessary.

2. Don't answer the phone, let the calls go to voice mail.

They will figure it out quickly enough if you enforce the boundary EVERY TIME.

You disconnect the phone, turn off the - alana

[ In Reply To ..]
cell, IM, email, whatever. Tell them they are not to contact you while you are working. PERIOD. If they bug you even after you've told them that,do not answer them or make eye contact. Charge them for the wages lost interacting if they continue to be rude.

What I would do - Ayn

[ In Reply To ..]
You don't say if these are kids interrupting you, adult family members who live with you, or family members who live away from you but stop by to visit and/or call.

However, I would suggest 2 things. First off, don't answer the phone. Let the answering machine pick it up. If you feel it necessary, check the machine once or twice a day. When the callers ask why you didn't pick up, tell them -- you were working and could not be interrupted. Eventually, they should get the hint and stop calling during working hours, but if not, just keep letting the machine pick up. The only calls I ever answer are from my employer or the kids' schools.

Second, for those in-person visits I would simply tell the person you're sorry but you are working and cannot stop to visit right now. If it's a kid doing the interrupting - ask them if blood is involved or something is on fire. If not, then it will have to wait til you're done working. (Of course, this depends on the age of kids we're talking about too. Older kids - jr high and sr high - should be mature enough to understand that you are working and cannot be interrupted except for a true emergency) If it is adult family members, just tell them the truth -- you are working and cannot stop to visit, but will be happy to visit with them after your shift. If it is folks stopping by, put a sign on your door saying that you are working and cannot come to the door and then don't answer the door. If they do not know your work schedule, tell them now and then let them know that your new policy is that you cannot entertain visitors or take phone calls during working hours.

If you have a door to your office/work area, close it.

Remember, nobody can interrupt you unless you let them.

Agree and also consider this - Been there

[ In Reply To ..]
Agree with what everyone said. All good tools.

You can gain some insight if you think about it from their perspective. Children are used to having access to you. You are there, therefore you are there. They do not see what is different. They just feel rejected. Somehow you have to communicate your need to them in a way they will understand. Not understand to leave you alone but understand why. Why you work and why you cannot be disturbed.

Perhaps an explanation to show that you get paid x amount per minute which shows them what you can and cannot buy for them during interruptions. Time the interruption. For this 1 or 5 minute interruption you did not get paid. That means you could not buy 1 of the 4 potatoes for dinner. Or the cookies for the week. For younger children get paid in cookies. For older translate money into things they want.

Explain it in a family meeting. If it does not work simply let the offender feel the results. At dinne that night, omit dessert because you did not earn enough to pay for it. Or the milk, mac and cheese, or chicken. This is not punitive, but just a real life demonstration of cause and effect.

Make a board with pictures of desirable everyday items. Have them choose an item to trade for the interruption. Is it worth it to lose their popcorn? Their dessert? Their cereal?

For your husband and other adults, consider that most people have jobs where they get paid for being there. They work, but can visit quite a lot. They are not on production. Nearly everyone has a job where talking is GOOD. Plus, you are at home so the distinction between working and not working is blurred.

They do not grasp the direct financial implication of a 3-minute interruption. They can phone Joe on his cell at work. Why not you? For those people, you may need to give them a demonstration of how you work and how close you have to pay attention.

Figure an amount and charge them. Make them pay right then, too, or they won't make the connection.

Start asking them if they know of any jobs for you. Expain that you may be fired for stopping work for the interruptions.

If your office is not separate and clearly identifiable as a work office, it needs to be. Too many sabotage themselves by working in areas where others are playing or eating or whatever. They thus do not appear to be working, so everyone thinks they are fair game. When you reject their attempts to interact, they respond as if you were just watching TV or dusting . . . with understandable hurt.

Use a stop light system - Works for us

[ In Reply To ..]
I had a woodworking friend make a wooden stoplight with painted discs that hang from nails to represent the stoplight colors. It hangs on the wall beside my desk. If it's green, go ahead and talk to me. If it's yellow, it had better be important. If it's red, there had better be blood and broken bones! My kids (ages 18 down to 7) seem to get it and appreciate it.

Lock the door, put a sign on it that says - "Busy Working, DO NOT disturb"...sm

[ In Reply To ..]
and put your phone on silent or vibrate and if you cant do that then unplug it.

If there is no lock on the door, stick a knife in between the crevice and door to lock it.

Let them know your pay is based on productivity and you cannot afford to be disturbed while working, you are not paid by the hour.

Sometimes you just have to be firm (sm) - Auntie Anxiety

[ In Reply To ..]
My dad's so cute...when I told him a few years ago I'd be working from home, his response was, "Oh, good, you'll be able to visit more!"

I took a few seconds to process his response, and then said, "No, dad, it's just like working in the hospital, with a set schedule I have to adhere to, it just means I don't have to drive to work anymore, so it's more convenient for me."

I don't know for sure even to this day that he understands I'm "on shift" and not free to just sign off and on as I please, LOL!

The one thing I do is keep an IM open for family in case they need me for an emergency. Other than that, if my caller ID shows it's a family member calling, I just let it go to voicemail, then I listen to it when I finish a report to make sure it's nothing urgent.

I also have discouraged any and all drop-by company (not that I ever liked unannounced visitors anyway, so this wasn't too difficult to manage).

My husband handles "door duty" for the occasional solicitors and makes it quite clear they're intruding and makes sure they don't stop back by again.

You just have to be really firm, even with family and close friends, and let them know that when you are working at home, it's identical to working at an office, and point out that they wouldn't stop by to visit you if you were at an office, and it's no different at home...Work is work. Period.

I sympathize with your situation. It always amazes me that people construe "working from home" as us sitting around while our backsides spread and just "typing" whenever we feel like it when, truth be told, sometimes working from home and dealing with outside distractions can be much more stressful than actually being sequestered in an office.

Once they figure out you won't be answering the phone, coming to the door, or inviting them in for coffee, they'll learn quickly what hours are NOT good to contact you. You can even point out on your voicemail message something like, "I'm currently at work. Please leave a message and I'll call you back sometime after [insert time your shift ends here]."

Just make sure that there is a way they are able contact you if they need you in an emergency situation, and you can work away guilt-free.

Good luck!

Family and interruptions-sm - OlderMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I can relate to this! It is just me and hubby here and he is a real problem for me. He recently cut back on his hours at work, semi-retired now, and he constantly interrupts me. I have talked to him and talked to him about it and nothing changes. It would not do me any good to close and lock the door. He would just knock. I have been working at home for more than 15 years, so I would think that by now he would understand that my work does not lend itself to multi-tasking as in transcribing reports AND listening to him. I have little to no chance of getting into my zone when he is home. Another thing he apparently is clueless about. Since all my talks with him, his new thing is to announce his "visit" with "I just have one quick thing and I have to tell you this before I forget!" OMG! Are you 5 years old? So frustrating! I have informed him that he can write a note about things and we will talk later when I am off work! Now I am without a job. I lost my job in January but I'm working very hard networking, updating my resume, writing a cover letter, job hunting. It's stressful and exhausting. Still he interrupts. I am at the end of my rope. We had quite a tiff this past week about it. So, I'm looking for answers too. I do not know how to make it any clearer to him. I do not have much trouble with the phone. If I am super busy, I just don't pick it up. My children are pretty good about not interrupting me. Luckily, they are super busy too with their own lives! Ha! I would love an answer to this problem!

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