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M*Modal

Oh ... I am typing this as I am crying, which I normally do all day long. - be

Posted: May 7th, 2018 - 1:48 pm In Reply to: The big M finally broke me - x

I have gained over 40 pounds, cry day and night, left an alcoholic husband because of the abuse, and now after spending over half my life with MM how will I ever make it with my 3 children. And what crosses my mind? Thinking about leaving a note and going somewhere secluded and ending it so that way MM can be sued because they pushed me over the brink in order to have my children have some kind of financial backup for their future. No one will hire me, I have been trying and trying. Plain and simple, I am just too old and not old enough to retire. Is this too insane to think this way? Of course it is, but who is going to help? I have so many friends I know and family who have retired and get PENSIONS for their years of commitment. I have nothing, zero, zip. Maybe I should have stayed with my abusive alcoholic husband as at least I knew I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head for me and my kids or food on the table. I think one poster said it true, to go to counseling, but cannot afford it, so I drink to numb myself, have become a flow blown alcoholic because of this job, eat because of stress because of this job, and keep spiraling more and more into a deep, dark, pit of hell. A screen watcher, hoping and praying someday God will intervene, whatever way that will be. :(

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