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M*Modal

Felt EXACTLY the same way, but I found an outside job... - Almost60

Posted: May 6th, 2018 - 5:28 pm In Reply to: The big M finally broke me - x

Please don't give up on yourself! I felt much the same and wondered if I was broken. I hadn't left my house in 10 months--no exaggeration--I was truly, deeply depressed trying to hang onto a job that was dying and dragging me down with it. I never even left my home to so much as go to the grocery store. I actually ordered in food from Amazon.

Finally, though, I was completely laid off--100% no more job and few options. I had already worked for several MTSOs and they all ended up shuttering their windows and closing their doors. I was tired of the lack of security, the lower and lower pay, the longer and longer days ... well, you know what I mean.

My car battery was long dead and even jumper cables wouldn't breathe life into it. Hornets had actually built a nest underneath the hood of my car! My hair was a mess. I'd gained a lot of weight, probably from working night shift and also longer and longer days sitting at my desk. But I no longer had a choice--it was long past time to make a major job change.

I started immediately working on my resume and fine-tuning each and every cover letter I sent out (which can be done through email). I researched how to create a standout resume and cover letter. There are many sites that offer terrific help.

I searched Indeed.com and CraigsList. I applied to anything involving clerical work as I needed something to get my foot back out the door. I decided not to be picky with this first potential job and, if I didn't really like it or it didn't pay well, to think of it as a stepping stone.

I got a new battery for the car and worked on my wardrobe, which I discovered had thick dust on the shoulders of all shirts and folds of slacks... I can still only wear some of it due to weight gain, but a few things worked out. I went to Supercuts and they did an acceptable job at professionalizing my hair. I put some color into it and whitened my teeth with the cheapest strips I could find on Amazon.

Surprisingly for me, I was contacted by two different companies within days of sending out my resumes and landed interviews (they were both CraigsList job listings, but I've since had an Indeed job interview).

In the beginning, interviewing was terrifying--felt like I was floating above my own body looking down--a real out of body sensation, but I watched several YouTube videos on how to interview and handle very common and/or challenging questions, and so I actually was able to manage better than I had anticipated. Several of the questions were straight out of those videos...

I was hired and have been working outside home ever since. In fact, I've now left the first job and am working for a better company with higher pay and improved benefits. I've made some new friends, and I'm overcoming my terror, and I've also discovered that my depression is fading out. I really think it was related to working in isolation while struggling in this stressful industry.

One thing I do is whenever I feel discouraged or nervous, I step back and think about how far I've come from those long, lonely, stressful years.

If you formulate a plan of action--and hopefully you can come up with something--I bet you'll feel so much better. Then each time you accomplish one more item on your list, it helps elevate mood and boosts confidence just a bit more.

When you begin to receive a steady paycheck, benefits, have actual time away from work, interact with other people and discover many of them are just as anxious as you are or have their own struggles, things just get better and brighter...

Anyway, I know your situation is different than mine, but I hope you can pull through this and come out the better! Good luck to you!!!!

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