Already depressed and the Q just made my day. NOT - Cannot take much more

I cannot take much more.  Those of you who don't have any compassion or feel the need to ever vent and just unload once in a while may stop reading now.

I'm not writing to be bashed, stomped on, mashed, or otherwise abused and used more than the Q already does.  I catch this crap from them every day, I don't need to hear it from fellow MTs. We are all in this same rocking, sinking, Titanic together. 

To make a very long story short here's the abbreviated version.  2000 Diagnosed with liver problem, told needed liver transplant but does not qualify because of other medical problems.  Treatment for symptomatic giant cavernous hemangioma is liver resection.  Great - if only 1 lobe involved but 90% of liver is involved.  Biggest one is 22.5 cm, and there are "too many to count".  Stopped getting MRIs yearly because of the cost.  As long as functions are still relatively stable (abnormal, but still not changing too much) will just be "watchful waiting".  Liver is "a ticking time bomb".  2006 youngest brother died after 6 months in hospital.  2008 moved back in with parents because mother is begging for help. They are unable to buy groceries.  With my pay at that time, we were managing to get some things paid down and holding it together.  Enter the electronic medical record and voice wreck at in-house job.  Cut in pay (loss of incentive) due to decreased typing.

August 2010 Mother diagnosed with terminal widely extensive metastatic cancer on my birthday.  17 days later, held my mom's hand as she took her last breath. Thank God for Hospice!

October, 2010 Father placed in nursing home.  Was working 2 jobs to hold the household together.  Lost 2nd job due to hospital purchasing the clinic was doing part-time transcription for.  Also figure in loss of parents income for houshold contributions. 

January 2011.  Now figure I am completely responsible for housepayment, all utilities, food, car payment, insurance, medical bills, funeral expenses from mother, bill collectors calling daily. 

February 2011 - laid off from in-house job due to VR and EMR - no dictation equals no work equals no position for me. Manged to be able to work 1 day a week to keep foot in door.  Supervisor trying desperately to get my hours increased.  When set up from home will be giving me more hours - which is in the process (the only bright spot).  Praying this comes quickly.

Started with the Q.  Then became the "Q-Bay".  now increasing requirements, lowere pay, barely getting minimum wage. 

I'm having trouble being motivated, burned out, depressed.  Took a day off to help with vacation bible school and I feel guilty because I'm not working???? Other than for illnesses, my mother's death, and 2 days in June for freshman orientation for college kid - I have not taken a vacation or taken time for me since December of 2000.   I know I need to be working like crazy, but it seems like the faster I try to go, the worse I get.  I am having trouble getting my lines in and staying focused.  I know these are symptoms of major depression and I'm to the point where I really don't give a crap anymore.  I need some major help!!!!!

What I really need I can't have.  I want my Mama!!!!!!