A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

No self-esteem, what else do I qualify for? - Depressed laid-off MT

Posted: Aug 23, 2013

I was laid off in March after 6 years subcontracting with a small MTSO. The drop in work was sudden, when the main client switched to a point and click system. I am mad at myself that I had not gone ahead and started planning for another career. I have found a part-time manual labor job, and have gone back to school and get financial aid, but it is not enough. I am a single mom and have had to ask my parents for help several times, and my step father told me yesterday that they are not helping me anymore. He told me to "get my heart right with God" and I won't have any more problems. This is coming from a man who had a house given to him, free and clear and did not have to worry about rent or mortgage payments. My real father died a couple of weeks ago. He never had any money, but he was my mental anchor. He was the one who made me feel like I was still a worthy human being.

Now I cannot even put myself in the right state of mind to take and pass a transcription test, to get even a job that would help me temporarily. I can't come up with the money to buy materials to study coding or to even become a CNA. I can't even pay all my bills. I don't qualify for unemployment. Staffing agencies seem to want me to be younger (I am 45) or maybe thinner (I am somewhat overweight). I have a two year degree plus medical transcription courses and am working on a bachelor's degree online but that will take about 2 more years. Meanwhile, I just feel like I wasted my whole adult life and now I have no jobs that I qualify for, unless I happen to "get lucky" to find one in this dying work field.

My financial aid is paying for my online school, but it will not pay for a coding program. I can only recieve help for one program at a time, and I need to be full time online to get the financial aid that is helping me pay my bills. I have never felt so desperate and scared. I wake up in the middle of the night and get online searching for jobs. Then I am so tired I sleep half the day. I am already on an antidepressant. I don't have health insurance and don't qualify for Medicaid.

I am sorry if this discourages anyone from getting into this field, but it is reality. I remember 16 years ago being so excited that I was making between 13 and 25 dollars an hour transcribing notes. At my last job, even though I was there 6 years, I made between 8 and 15 dollars an hour, and that was the best paying company I had found in recent years. And of course, that job no longer exists.

I feel like no one wants to hire women who are over 40, especially if your looks are just average. I may be mistaken, but that's how it seems. And when they look at your resume and you have done 16 years of medical transcription, what do you qualify for other than that? Pretty much nothing. Even if you have all the secretarial skills in the world, which I do, because before that I worked as a secretary - and even if you know all the up-to-date software programs, it doesn't matter.

Life in this country is getting so much harder than it used to be. Not just for me but for many people I know. I pray that I will finally find something. But I have to accept that "help is not coming." That fantasy I have of something wonderful happening and my life suddenly being easier is not going to happen. I just have to keep trying. And some days I feel like I can't. If it wasn't for my kids I don't know how I would make myself get up out of bed ever. Sigggh.

Some ideas... - SadToo

[ In Reply To ..]
I feel very, very similarly to you! I might have some work suggestions for you if you'd like to communicate via e-mail.

Also, I have no idea where you reside, but when searching for work, have you looked for on-the-job or paid training for caregiver? Also, check with your area senior centers and rehab facilities. Some of them will sponsor you towards becoming a CNA if you agree to work for them. There's a local facility here that has state-approved training, pays for the license, and then offers a position when finished, and the course is fairly short. The pay for CNAs is starting to climb, and if you can get a year or so experience, then it seems hospitals will hire and pay better...

It's tough to keep the chin up! I'm struggling with similar feelings and dealing with family on top of it! You definitely can feel hopeless and even worthless some days. Try to take it one day at a time and don't let the total picture overwhelm you. I know, easier said than done when your worry meter is off the charts.

Please write as I have a couple transcription ideas for you and maybe that would help temporarily.

Your step-dad doesn't seem too compassionate? Well, you are not alone! Hang in there!

Thanks, I will email you! - OP

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I will send you an e-mail - any suggestions are appreciated. I am sorry that you are in a similar situation. It is so hard!

Email won't go through - OP

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My email to you was returned to me. Can you please email me?

Whoops! I forgot I just changed email accounts. - I wrote you!

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Check your email and you can write me at the address I gave you.

Your stepfather's heart isn't right with God. - Cake Baker

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This is not your fault, and you are not worthless. And, you have a viable skill.

We just need to get off shoring out of the picture, for our country's sake, not to mention our own. I'm in the same boat, I am six months away from retirement, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 16 months ago and I have had a very rough time with it. I have been told I am not eligible for SSDI because I should be able to work while undergoing chemotherapy (I'd like to see THEM try!) I been raked through the coals because of the way that my FMLA was mishandled by _____, one of the monopolistic Siamese twins (or in this case should I say Indian twins.) In any case, I am sure I have fared no better with the other.

I look around me, I read these heartbreaking posts, I want to do something about it. I know what you are going through, I know it is not getting any better, I know it is time to fight and not to give into despair. There is no reason for this, voice wreck, click and point, or not. We have a valuable useful skill and we should be able employ that skill to support ourselves, not hand it over to the Indians.

The one thing I have learned through this cancer ordeal as well as the troubles that came before it (and they were terrible troubles) is that God is faithful. He will make an opportunity for you, so do not despair. It is your stepfather who should despair because his heart is so wrong with God.

I know that you probably can't receive the comfort I am trying to offer you because of the immediate and compelling problems you are facing, because I've been there. But what I am saying is True, that our Lord does know your plight, the disgraceful indifference of those around you, who should care and give and give, and get you on your feet, is not unnoticed by Him, indeed while I have no special relationship with Him, I know from my own selfish experiences and well deserved chastisements, that He is outraged that your parents would suggest your relationship with Him is not what it should be, and use this as an excuse not to help you out of the abundance He has blessed them with. But He will take care of you, His tender Heart is right with you, no matter how far away it may seem to you right now because of your tragic situation and the lostness of your own sad little heart because of it. The only practical advise I can offer you from so far is this, give thanks today for the roof over your head, the food on your table, the education you are getting, make a list of the blessings that you have right now this very day, and take comfort in those things, and KNOW that God has given these things to you, and that He is not going to take them away, but in fact, has a plan for your tomorrow and will provide tomorrow what you will need.

If I could write the story of these last 10 years of my life, culminating in this wretched disease, how terrible things have been, how many times I have driven to the edge of despair, hopeless, ready to give up, sure that I was to spend my last days destitute on the streets of Reno, and the amazing and improbable ways that God has provided, often at the last minute, things I would never have expected in a million years (and no, not from any casino winnings -- I stay out of those places) it would read like a fairytale and you might not believe it although it is true. And I am no saint, I am a very very flawed person, and have done more than my share of shameful things, and if God has provided for my family and for me in the way that He has, I can say with certainity you will be taken care of as well, you couldn't possibly be as much of a sinner as I, the Apostle Paul claims to be the chief of sinners, and who am I to compare myself to Paul but I am the vice-chief of sinners!

So just for tonight, for this weekend, put all of your worries aside, rest, enjoy the end of summer, and just wait and see how God will manage things for you. Just let God take your life, just as you are, and let Him take care of you, and let your only concern be to seek to do His will, do what is right, and to let Him guide you. (And I think right now that might mean forgiving your wretched stepfather --let God carry that grudge for you!)

Thank you!! - OP

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That was the kindest, most heartfelt message and I appreciate it so much. For you to reach out during your own struggles to comfort me means more than you know. There is so much unkindness in the world these days. I am finding some hope in humanity tonight though. Thank you so much! I am sad to know that you are having to work through your chemotherapy! I hope that you will be well soon. Thank you again!

Nope. got fired for my efforts to work through chemo - cake baker

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But God is in charge, things look a bit bleak at the moment, not sure I qualify for UIB on the basis of my health. But, as I told you, I am learning to let God run the show. I know my years on this earth are few, I would like to make them mean something. I am done with chemo, just recovering from the aftermath, my FMLA was badly mishandled, I ended up with one corrective action after another while I was nearing the end of chemo and then recovering. I am now about 6 months out from chemo and still recovering from the side effects, primarily neuropathy and numbness in my hands and feet as result of nerve damage from Taxol. I cannot go into detail of my experience with one of the two major villains we all have grown to detest, but my own experiences as well as the awful stories on this board make me want to use what time I have left to try to help you all to see that your jobs have not disappeared altogether, medical transcription is not obsolete -- although it is changing, and the MT still has a vital unique place in medical care and will for the foreseeable future, perhaps for always. And that MT should be a US MT, not an Indian.

Your jobs are in India, they are not disappeared, and you need to bring them back, no one is going to do this for you. These predators come into hospital after hospital and take your salary and your position away from you, and then offer to give it back to you for a fraction of your former salary, while they keep the rest. And then, eventually, they take even that away from you. The hospitals are still creating transcription work every single day, you are just not the ones getting the work to do. This is all backwards, every single MT should have plenty off work, and if there is any left over, that is what should go to India, and that should be our goal!

And by the way, the bean counters, who are ultimately the ones responsible for this exploitation, not the pirates, those who collude in these terrible violations of American labor laws, among other things, also need to be held accountable.

It is up to you to put a stop to this, it is not going to happen by itself. The jobs could be there for you, but you are going to have to organize, nationwide, especially politically, each and every single one of you, and do something about this, or you are going to starve, and as this continues, trade after profession after industry, America will become a powerless impoverished third world nation!

You cannot sit on your hands and moan that transcription is dead, it is over. IT IS NOT DEAD, it is not over, some of it is changed due to technology and that is wonderful thing because technology can create new and better jobs for you -- but not if you let these wannabee Indian Overlords take it all from you.

Oh how I wish I could the words to say to touch every heart, to make each and every one of you realize your destiny is in your own hands, you do not have to let these 19th century pirates exploit you. We have laws, we have some power, we can stop this if we give it our all, and trust God for the rest.

I am put in mind of Louisa May Alcott. Surely you read her books as a child, Little Women, Little Men ... (my favorites were 8 Cousins/Rose in Bloom.) Her family was poor although her father was Bronson Alcott, a great innovator and thinker, whose advanced ideas about how children should be educated, made the American public school system (up until recent years when his ideas were abandoned) the most advanced and remarkable system of education in world. He was a great American in his own right, but made little money in his lifetime. He would, in fact, be better known in our history books if he were not so overshadowed by his famous daughter.

Louisa May, who never married, went to work as a young woman and was very exploited. She was paid ONE DOLLAR for six months of hard hard work. And her experience was not unique, and there was no recourse for her. Young unmarried American woman from families with little money were terribly exploited in that civil war era, it was just not slaves who needed to be set free.

Anyway, Louisa wrote of an experience she had in those overworked underpaid years, of a Sunday morning in church when a minister spoke with such feeling, such compassion of the plight of these poor single young women struggling to make ends meet, and often as well trying to help their families as well. It renewed her faith and God, and gave her the courage to continue and ultimately end up a very wealthy and influetial woman. As an aside, I wonder what Invincible Louisa might done in her later years to advance the political rights of women but she only lived one day after her father died. Still he, and he, by having lived, and lived worthwhile active lives, thought deeply, rising above poverty and ill treatment, did plenty to make our lives better.

Louisa became a great writer, in fact, one of the foremost author of adult fiction in America and all of the English speaking world, athough she is remembered now for her childrens' books. But Luisa never forgot what she had gone through, poor, alone, exploited, powerless and the impact of the inspired words of that long-ago minister's sermon one Sunday morning. How I wish I could find just a little of his eloquence, of his comforting faith, to help you all but I can't but perhaps, with faith and courage, one of you can and will. People who can master MTs are not a lazy, low-IQ lot, which surely you well know!

What I read on these boards echo the plight of these women of long ago, they had so little power then, they could not vote, were chattel of first their fathers, and then their husbands. And yet, in that generation and the one to follow, those generations that also threw off the chains of slavery, also enabled women, made us full and equal citizens and full sharers in the wonderful experiment that was America.

Their blood is our veins, their overcoming, their part in the making of just laws, their efforts won us the right to vote, won us full American citizenship, we are free to do all the menfolk can do, and yet, we sit here, all of us bemoaning our fate, unwilling, unbelieving that we can raise a finger in our own behalf to end this exploatation, believing that there no good jobs in medical transcription, a skill it took each of us a long to master, letting our jobs be taking away from us, putting ourselves back in those sweatshops of long ago, toiling from dawn to dusk, and now into the night with the advent of electricity, not even half a day off on Sunday to go to church as they had, sliding and slipping back to that life they fought so hard to keep their granddaughters and great-granddaughters from ever experiencing. Here we sit with all the tools they gave us, all this advanced technology, and we are letting ourselves be destroyed, believing every single demeaning belittling thing our would-be masters telling us must be so!

How can I, one rather old woman who is facing death, facing the final step we all most face, looking at the shortness of life, the wonder of life, the responsibility of each of us to grasp what is giving to us, to keep it, to cultivate it, to conserve it, to be good stewards, to ever make things better each generation, to leave an inheritence for our children (and above all to put ourselves right with God.) How do I reach of you? What can I say to help you to see that you must TRY to save your jobs, that you must TRY to end this exploitation, try to save your way of life, your posterity, that this is all part of a terrible whole, and only by the goodness of God and with your own determination, and putting aside ego, wrongdoing, immorality, quarreling, sniping, can it stopped! If you can't bestir yourselves for your own sakes, do it for your daughters and sons. Stop wallowing in this negativity, this passivity, letting your would-be masters who exploit you so, indeed criminally so, telling you, smugly, superiorly, that you cannot unbake a cake! That this is the way the global economy machine works, and you are insignificant worthless and unneccessary gears, that the working gears are only to be in India.

Again, I am certain this is full of the kind of errors that no good MT should ever make, please forgive me as I am tired and need to go to bed.

Cannabis versus Chemo - Midnight Rider

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I personally do not take Cannabis, the medical word for the slang term, marijuana, but my son who is now 18 has had a Colorado medical license since he was 16. After consulting with many physicians and trying many prescription drugs, ALL with severe side effects, he now uses Cannabis responsibly to control his migraine headaches, which at times can be very intense. He is a firm believer in the abilities of Cannabis to heal almost anything, and God has provided this naturally grown plant for all mankind. My son will be entering his first year of college at Regis University this coming Monday where he received a $54,000 scholarship plus 4 grants. He will be majoring in Pharmacy, and his ultimate goal is to research more extensively Cannabis, a miracle medicine, as far as he is concerned.

I do believe after hearing many horror stories of chemotherapy and having had friends who have died from almost every time of cancer that if I were ever to contact this dreadful disease, I would most certainly turn to Cannabis for a cure!!

Here is one family's story:

Hello yall! My precious son, Landon, was only 2.5 when he was diagnosed with T-Cell ALL (Leukemia). At the time of diagnosis he was given only a 10% chance of living through the first 24-48 hours of treatment as the Leukemia was growing at a very rapid rate. Chemo was the only option given to us to save his life. As we got started with the chemo treatments we began to research and learn the extremely dangerous and toxic side effects of what chemo does to the body. Chemo kills ALL cells in the body, not just the cancer cells. Watching your 2.5 year old son go from vibrant health to so weak and sick he could not walk or get out of bed was devastating. He lost 50% of his body weight, lost all muscle, puked for days at a time, had no appetite, was in constant pain, and was basically wasting away before our very eyes. All of his hair fell out, his eyes sunk into the back of his skull, all of his bones stuck out, he was hospitalized twice for infections due to the chemo killing his immune system, as well as him becoming dependent on the narcotic pain killers of morphine and oxy drugs. . We knew we had to do something so we started researching and through a series of events and people got connect with The Realm Of Caring, located in Colorado Springs. Seeking this Cannabis treatment required me and Landon to move to Colorado to be able to start seeing a doctor and obtain his red card to start treatment. The results were almost immediate once he started on the Charlottes Web oils. He finally began to sleep through the night, the nightmares and terrors went away, the pain vanished, he regained his appetite, he started eating, his energy started coming back, he was weaned of all narcotic pain medications, slowly but surely he started to regain all that chemo and cancer had robbed him of. I still find it amusing that Landon had a prescription for synthetic marijuana to increase his appetite, yet it was illegal for him to be given a prescription for the natural plant itself, that I had to relocate us entirely to be able to do this treatment. We ended chemo 9 months into the 4 year stintâ�¦The Realm of Caring and the high CBD oil that they have developed saved Landonâ��s life. It brought him health even in the midst of chemo, it brought him peace and healed his body. We have no regrets and we are so thankful that God led us to Joel and Amanda Stanley with the Realm of Caring!! PLEASE HELP US SHARE HIS STORY!

You have no special relationship with Him? - sm

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It sounds, dear sister, as though you know Him very well. Your post to the OP is brimming with God's love.

May God bless you with healing and comfort and by meeting all your physical needs. No, none of us knows how long we have left of this short life, but you are using your time in the best possible way by reaching out in Christian love to someone in need.

Thank you for your kind, encouraging words to the OP and for inspiring me and, I'm sure, many others.

So true about prayer - new but old

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I am a firm believer in prayer. There have been so many situations that I just didn't see how I was going to get through and then God came through and things turned around. So don't ever give up. I am in one of those situations now. I had to leave my husband due to both verbal and physical abuse rather abruptly last week and thankfully had my mom's to go to, but she is elderly and I really hate to impose upon her but I at least have a room and was able to get my computer up and going so I didn't lose my job on top of everything else. Hopefully after a few months of just being able to stash my money away and only having the bill of my cable and phone and buying groceries I will be able to find a small place of my own. It is going to be a long few months but hopefully I will continue to be blessed with an account that has work and can increase my LPH as I am not under the stress of the situation that I was in before. Don't give up and just take one day at a time

Do you live near any - of the following

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Costco, Trader Joe's, Starbucks, Whole Foods? They are considered employee-friendly companies and some of them even provide benefits to part-time workers. It might not be the career you envisioned for yourself, but they are decent jobs.

Good luck to you. I hope you find something soon.

Thanks - OP

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Yes, we do have those. From what I have heard it is very difficult to get hired by Whole Foods around here. I am considering trying Home Depot or Lowes Home Improvement as I hear they pay pretty well. I have applied at different retail stores in the mall and have not heard back at all. It appears that being a cashier 20 years ago doesn't matter much to them now. But of course I will keep trying. Thanks for the suggestions!

Coding programs they should pay for - RHIA

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You said you were completing a bachelor's degree, but the financial aid would not pay for a coding program.

I think you may be saying that they will pay for college programs, but not for independent schools.

All AHIMA-accredited health information technology programs, which are all at colleges, teach coding. They often have the coding portion available as a certificate program. That will qualify for your financial aid.

If you already have an associate's degree, you may have enough transfer credit that such a program would not take very long. Your MT experience would be an asset in school and on the job.

That would give you a wider range of job options. The HIM field, I think, values maturity, so your age -- which is not that old-- would not be as much of a hindrance.

Thanks - OP

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I would have to change schools - what I mean is that if you are getting government financial aid for school, they will only pay for you to be take courses at one school at a time. So I would have to change schools, which I can do, but would have to wait until the current semester is over. I would have to find one where I would be considered full-time, as I need the financial assistance while going through school. Thanks for your kind reply!!

HIT programs are full-time - Suggest you investigate further

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HIT programs are regular college majors. They can be done full-time just like your current college.

You also might want to find an assistance program that could provide help with getting a job and counseling. You do project a very depressed and self-defeating attitude that isn't helpful, and you do not appear to be able to explain your skills appropriately on a resume or job application. You say that you have no skills because you were an MT so long, but that is riduculous--it is just plain wrong. You ren't all that old, either. You need assistance from a mental health professional and a job rehabilitation counselor.

Thanks again - OP

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I will research it. I will have to change schools if I do that, so would have to wait until I finish my current semester. If you fail or drop classes, you lose your financial assistance. I will definitely research it though - thank you :)

no self-esteem - catrina

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I understand how beat down you feel. I can't count on either of my parents for anything. It is like they are dead. Stepparents were never a help either. Have you tried general transcription? Is there a Wal-Mart near you? You may need to just get entirely out of transcription. I am 52 and trying to figure out what to do since MT work is going down tubes mostly. God can help you if you can prayer. Try to find a church and a community like a church to get involved with. If you can make friends you can have some social connections maybe that can offer you more support and also maybe help you find a job. God bless.

Thank you - OP

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Thank you. I may end up doing that. Right now I am pet sitting and dog walking for money. I can probably find a minimum wage job at a store like those if I try hard enough. But honestly to try to raise two children on a low income like that will still be very difficult. Most of the ones that I have seen advertised limit you to 28 hours so that they do not have to provide benefits. I definitely do not think I am "above" any job. I mean, I pick up dog poop every day...but I have to make enough to survive.

Thank you and HUMILITY - Midnight Rider

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Hey, I do not know you, but you have a humble spirit. Anybody that is willing to pick up dog will be blessed. Humility always comes before honor!!! You are on the right track. Keep checking all the doors. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Fight! Fight! - Out-House MT

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I understand completely. Take a breath, turn the TV off, pick up some books to distract you that are fiction, and then....fight. Fight like you've been backed into a corner. It will not come knocking at your door, you must go out and get it. Start small, simple, cheap, and bring some $$ in, and keep looking to climb out of this social pit. Watch a BBC show entitled Calling Midwives, about East London when us Irish, etc. fought our way out of slums. If not, then your natural instincts will kick in when you're about at wits end and living in your car. Looks? Ha, check out all them beer bellies that guys have too. Just get on an eliptical machine and march. I do 3 miles a day and watch TV nonsense as I work out. 25 minutes so far and 1 month I've lost 7 pounds. I am 45. I too was, let's say it, FAT.
Fight!

Fight! Thanks! - OP

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I read your post right before I went to sleep last night. As usual, I woke up all through the night. But I kept hearing "fight, fight" in my head every time I woke up lol. This morning I am up, getting ready to go out and walk a dog as I have an early morning pet sitting job this morning. I am glad I posted my whiny post last night. I got some good information, and a good new philosophy/mantra. I am going to repeat that in my head every time I feel like giving up. Generations before us have had to endure their own difficult times and being strong is the only way to get through it. Thanks for your reply!

you touched my heart - hang in there

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I had to respond to you and tell you that first of all, do not let your step-dad have the power to influence how you see yourself. Second, YOU DID NOT WASTE YOUR LIFE. This WAS a great career, and I, too looked forward to a long and lucrative career, alas, mine is about over too. I turn 50 tomorrow, and I am NOT afraid to step out into this world. We have skills far beyond transcription and we need to rework our resumes to reflect skills, not just MT work. Next, I strongly suggest you P.U.S.H (Pray Until Something Happens) and lastly, NEVER ever give up, there is hope and something wonderful WILL happen to you. I know it is hard, but each day, look in the mirror and say "faith in me, faith in you" - you might be surprised what that affirmation will do to your spirit. Take care honey, and God's great blessings and mercy be with you.

happened to me too, and what i did. - bird

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same thing with me, will spare you all the same gory details. i was laid off and then they turned around and fought my unemployment. though i appealed and appealed, they prevailed, and by that time, i was in another job that i needed to give my attention and energy to.

what i did was i actually went to the free employment agency by the state. it is free whether you are receiving or qualify for unemployment or not; fact is you are in the system and they help you find work. i would go and volunteer there, helping people with computers, making copies, faxing, scanning, whatever i could do. someone from a temp agency that works in the oil and gas industry came one day for a presentation, so i applied with that temp agency also, among others that never had anything good for me. this agency was Kelly. i got hired at 14/hour at a large well known top company and it was barely enough to scrape by, but i learned another field, which is logistics, and i was hired at the company full time making almost twice as much and with full benefits.

give volunteering a try and keep going. you cannot stop because you have someone depending on you, besides yourself. try the temp agencies; keep going. and keep your chin up -- others can sense your depression and lack of belief in yourself so get a mantra of "i need to do it, i will do it, i am doing it." and work on your confidence.

what helped me was cranking reo speedwagon's "keep on rolling" really loud, too! ;)

When you go for your interviews - xx

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do your best to present a cheerful demeanor, even though you are not feeling so cheerful right now. Employers want happy, confident people. A sad or depressed demeanor will be more of an impediment than age in many cases.

Slap a smile on your face, don't dwell on your problems or even mention them. Let the employer know you are interested in their company/business and eager to contribute to their success. This is not a guarantee of success, but it will put you ahead of many other candidates.

Good luck to you. There is a job out there for you, and you will find it.

Your father made you feel that way because - -

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you ARE a worthy human being. I'm so sorry you recently lost him. On top of everything else, you are grieving the loss of someone whose love was probably a source of strength and comfort for you. The strength and comfort of God's love is always there for you.

Other posters have made some very good suggestions. Thank God for your kids because, as you said, you ARE getting up and out of bed. Yes, keep trying. Yes, keep praying that you will finally find something. My financial situation is very bad as well, but God is continuing to sustain me with blessings I never saw coming.

I hope you take solace in the fact that there are people you don't even know who are praying for you and your family.

Thank you all so much! - OP

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I posted on here last night, not knowing what kind of responses I would get and you have all been so kind and encouraging! I really appreciate it, thank you! I feel like I have a much better attitude about everything now, and that is thanks to you all. :)

I just have one comment (well maybe a couple) - for the OP and all the posters who replied

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your post touched my heart and made me a bit fearful for my situation. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I felt the need to post this comment. Reading all the responses have given me so much faith in my fellow MTs. You have all been so uplifting and helpful. Reading this makes me feel like you have all given the OP a big hug and I'm getting teary eyed with such a wonderful outpouring of help and suggestions, support and understanding you have all shown.

I don't know any of you, but I feel a deep gratitude to all of you for posting such wonderful and helpful messages.

I just want to send out big hugs to you all and the OP too. Hang in there. All is not hopeless and you are a wonderful and valuable person and your kids are lucky to have you in their lives.

My 2 cents - Anonymous

[ In Reply To ..]
I know it is difficult not to feel depressed, but please don't give up; you have so much going for you with working toward your bachelors and wanting to study coding and become a CNA. The fact that financial aid will not pay for a coding program should tell you something about where that field is going, but we've all said enough in that regard.

To me, 40 or 45 is just a "kid." I changed jobs at 40 and had no trouble getting hired. I got back in the gym after many years in my late 40s and got into the best shape of my life. I lost my MT job due to outsourcing when I was 58, bounced back from that, went on interviews and got hired again. I had been an MT or secretary in physician's offices for more than 30 years and I got hired in medical records/HIM working on transcription quality control and the electronic medical record conversion project; you qualify for plenty of things with your background. If any employer is so superficial that they cannot see beyond looks and age you probably don't want to be working there anyway. Age should not be a deterrent. Help "is not coming" unless you do your best to try and make it happen. I agree, life is hard but you can do this. Best wishes.

Financial aid for coding - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Whether financial aid is available for coding has nothing to do with where coding is or is not going.

It has to do with the type of program and where it is taught.

Fin aid is usually only available for college programs and sometimes only degree programs. Coding is a certificate program, not a degree. Coding programs at colleges may qualify. Others usually will not.

If you really want to learn coding, but cannot get financial aid for some reason, just take an RHIT program. They contain the entire coding program, and they qualify for financial aid. A year longer, but it won't be wasted.

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