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Need Help Dealing With A Co-Worker Who May Be On Pain Meds - She Is Destroying The Work Environment

Posted: Oct 26, 2011

What would you do if you had a co-worker who is stressed, has panic attacks, had back surgery and is on pain medication, and accuses everyone of all sorts of things. She is totally inappropriate, paranoid, and destroying the work environment. If anyone suggests that she forgot to do something or did it wrong, she has a panic attack, or more like hysteria. She reports people for silly things, but even though the charges are silly, they still go in the record. She writes complaints about people constantly and then writes follow-up complaints with almost the exact same words, over and over again, with copies to everyone. I don't know if she forgets that she has already complained about that person or has just decided that she's going to keep turning in complaints until she gets her way. It gets so tiresome. People run from her to stay out of her way and then get reported for snubbing her.

I would like to recommend to the woman that she talk to her doctor about adjusting her pain pills, if the doctor even prescribed them in the first place. It may just be inappropriate use of pain medication. If I did that, I would probably be reported. I'm not sure if it's possible to stay out of her way. You don't have to do anything to be "reported" by her.

We could just ignore the situation if nobody was being harmed, but that's not the case. Reputations are being ruined. People are having their employment records tarnished by all her written accusations, as inappropriate as they are.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Is there anything that can be done?

She may just be one of those chronic complainers in which case - nobody can fix her

[ In Reply To ..]
There is nothing that can be done to help a chronic complainer. The help has to come from inside. First they have to come to the realization that they have a problem acknowledge it, and maybe get counseling for it. Getting fired a few times may help too of course.

What can co-workers do? Smile, say 'Hello', and run whatever way she isn't going. Don't ever agree with her about anything. Don't ever disagree with her about anything. If you can't get away from her and she is on a tirade, just say something like, "That's interesting. I'd better get to work."

You can't fix her. Stay out of her way so she doesn't hurt you. Hope that she gets counseling.

Disturbed coworker - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Sounds like this person is a little off-balance, i.e., disturbed. People like this seem to cluster in jobs that don't involve interaction with the public, like MT and coding. They can't get along anywhere else, so they end up gravitating to medical records where they terrorize other employees and managers alike.

The unfortunate thing about this is that people who are psychiatrically disturbed, injured, or on medication are in somewhat of a protected "disability" group. Some employers tiptoe around these people for fear of setting them off and ending up in court.

You should absolutely not mention the medication at all. Do not mention any speculation about injuries or about her psychiatric status. In fact, do not discuss any of this with this person and do not share your opinions with management--they'll all go off the deep end. I'm serious about this. The disturbed person will see it as a personal attack and management will see it as you poking your nose into things that are their purvue. Which, of course, they're ignoring. They don't want you pointing this out to them.

Dealing with this can be very difficult. As you have seen, avoidance triggers reports of snubbing her. Talking to her triggers reports of attacking her. There really isn't anything you can do except to be utterly cheerful and the absolute soul of niceness to her. If you notice she did something wrong, do not mention it--she'll perceive an attack. If you want her to do something, don't ask--she'll think you are setting her up. Avoid her without appearing to avoid her. This may require you to keep to yourself around everyone at work, but it will be worth it if it removes you from her negative attention.

You want to stay under this chick's radar so that she doesn't perceive you as a source of distress. As you've noticed, her reports are crazy, so keep that in mind. I would limit myself to big grins and cheerful hellos on the way to burying my nose in my work. If she asks you something, give her a cheerful answer or a cheerfully apologetic "I don't know!"

It's difficult to say what's wrong with this person, but you don't need to know in order to deal with her. There have been some very helpful articles and books written about similar situations. Go to www dot highconflictinstitute dot com. I absolutely recommend them. This group is a God-send and I am not exaggerating. The explanations and techniques are helpful with anyone in the workplace and even at home, even with people who aren't nuts. They just make good sense and are easy enough to apply.

One book they publish is "It's All Your Fault!". Another is "BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email & Social Media Meltdowns." Both are by Bill Eddy, MSW, Esq.

I recommend that you read the articles on that website, order "It's All Your Fault!" from Amazon immediately and read it without delay. It is worth every penny just in terms of the understanding you'll gain from it. It's worth overnight delivery, too.

You'll see what you are dealing with, why it occurs, and that alone will relieve much of your frustration. It will also tell you how to avoid upsetting this person further.

I am not affiliated with them, but that book saved me. I'm a believer now and share it with everyone I can.

There is one other thing you should do. If this person writes incident reports about you, you need to get a calendar with sewn-in pages, like a Moleskine, and begin keeping a journal of your interactions with her--even the good ones. "Smiled and said hi. She said hello back. Seemed ok." "So-and-so spoke to her about xyz. She began crying. I was 20 feet away and working on abc so could not have had any involvement in this." Write in ink and do not remove any pages.

If this person continues to write you up, provide management with a very polite written version of the event from your angle. Using what is in your journal, document what happened. You don't want them to accuse HER, but just to explain it from your view.

If you were unfairly accused, point that out and explain why it could not have occurred the way she said. Do this very professionally and unemotionally. Avoid opinions and state only facts. Your goal isn't to get rid of her, but to prevent them getting rid of you. No indignation, no outrage, no anger. You're just documenting what happened the way it happened because you don't want to be drawn into something you're not guilty of.

I think that once you read that book you'll feel very relieved and start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Let us know!

Thanks for the information! - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

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