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Facing my fear - anon33

Posted: Jan 10, 2013

I know I have to leave this job at some point and go out into the real world, a real office, a real job. Can anybody give me some advice on how to overcome my fears? Journalling? I can't afford counseling right now. I have had to face these kinds of life changes in the past, but that was many years ago when I was younger. I am not so young anymore and the thought of working outside the house is terrifying me. I have checklists and have done extensive research on resumes, interviewing skills and questions so as to prepare, but when it comes down to it, I just can't do it. Anybody facing this too? I guess I just see the negatives, long commute, office clothes, office politics. Just being in a new situation. I try to visualize positives, more money, less money-related stress, making new friends. I know I will be okay in a new job once I actually get it and get my feet wet. It's just overcoming this hurdle to get there. I guess I just need to know I am not alone in my fear and what others have done to get past it.

You might try. . . - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
A self-help book on acceptance therapy, which teaches you not to fight your fears or even face them but just take things as they come. You sound overwhelmed and that is understandable. (And you are not alone.) You could look on Amazon; sometimes they sell used books for less than cover price.

I'm going to look into this - anon33

[ In Reply To ..]
I looked this up a little bit and it sounds promising. I think journalling will help too, writing down my thoughts to be able to look at them, to see how they are just thoughts and not necessarily true. I have tried meditation in the past, but it never really stuck, read books on mindfullness. Thank you for your help.

You are not alone - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I have dealt with this fear all my life, and it got worse as I got older. In fact, it is really what finally led me into MT. Years ago, I thought I could work around my fear by temping. There was something about having an imminent ending date to my assignments that made them bearable. Even though I worked 52 weeks a year, there was always that escape hatch at every job. Just knowing that made it easier to get out of the house every day and make my way to work.

Though currently I am in counseling, I'm still working at home even though this job is becoming untenable. I pray a lot because I know I have to leave this job at some point, too.

You might want to consider temping for now. It helps you get your feet wet without your having to make a commitment. Also, if you find a place you really like, and they like you, you may be able to transition into a permanent position. If you don't like a place, you don't have to stay. However, it is always a good business practice to stay with a client until the end of the agreed-upon term. I got around this by only accepting short-term assignments.

Prayers for you! I hope you can find the courage to take that step.

Thanks - anon33

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for your prayers. It does help to know I am not alone. I temped for about a year when I was much younger and it was a positive experience. I hadn't really considered it, but I will think on it. Prayers for you too! We can use all the help we can get.

you are not alone, anon33 - ann other

[ In Reply To ..]
I am feeling so daunted, and I am so disappointed in myself because of it. I know what to do and how to do it - I just am having such a hard time getting over the hump. I think you are wise to visualize the positives, and I think you are smart to realize you will be okay once you get your feet wet! Good luck to you!

A Must-Read Reply to Facing Your Fears - AnnieOakley

[ In Reply To ..]
When my mom died a few years ago, I spent hours going through family photos and found some photos I had never seen. One of was a great grandmother who had survived the depression. She raised 10 children and her husband left at some point in time. The photo is black and white and she is a smiling, weathered-looking tough woman in spite of it all. The best way for me to get over my fears is to look at that picture and think of what she endured. I tell myself, be brave and find a way.

My feeling is that - if I applied, had an interview

[ In Reply To ..]
and then got hired I would be so overjoyed and excited the fear would quickly be displaced. It is irrational to fear something that might or might not even happen. I do agree with temping if that is an option to help you ease into the real world.

Facing your fears - been there

[ In Reply To ..]
Are you in a position to volunteer a couple of hours a week at a shelter or nursing home? They need volunteers, you need outside contact, the feedback is so positive and encouraging - it could be a win-win situation. No, it is not paid, but it is a great addition to a resume and it eases you back into public positions and schedules in a no-pressure setting. Not to mention the understanding that comes from seeing and helping those far less fortunate...this field sucks the very life out of you. Volunteering just might give you some of your joy back!!

You beat me to it. - grits

[ In Reply To ..]
I can't say enough about volunteering. It is indeed a win/win. Helping others (animal or human) gives one great confidence and a huge burst of self-esteem, and yes, volunteering looks good on a resume.

don't think you're alone - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I have false started school many times, having gone for a few months just to drop out because of my anxiety.

Now that i'm 40, it will be to my advantage. I will get respect automatically because of my age and will not need to worry about cliques.

Also, God helps. I don't know if you're a believer but having God in your corner all problems get smaller. "The fear of man brings a snare, but trust in the Lord exalts."

I also take Xanax to smooth out the edges. I never go over 2 mg a week though in order to not become dependent.

Lastly, it's normal to be anxious going through a life change. Give yourself a break because most people get a little nervous facing social change, esp when they have had the luxury of working in the home and not having to utilize the extra energy to deal with people and their usual b.s.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Think of it this way - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
While we save on gas, time, car expenses etc. We WORK nonstop, a real job you can goof off and still get paid. Its all what you want. I miss working with people, but not enough now to leave and drive at 3.25 a gallon of gas and living pretty far off the beaten path..they each have their perks, when my kids were still here, there is no way I would leave home, more important to keep an eye on them and raise them..Now that they are out on their own, Im looking to the near future (3 years ish) to find something to do that I enjoy for a change..

i know your fears too - anon37

[ In Reply To ..]
Being an MT at home is the only work I've ever really known. I chose it because I didn't do well socially. While MT was a good fit for a while, I also realized recently I would have to find another profession. That thought terrified me for the same reasons you mentioned.

Working at home was a safe environment, but I believe it stunted and halted my skills of interacting with people.

I went back to school last year. The first few weeks were so scary, I think I went through them in a daze. I'm only going part time, so just having to go to class a few times a week wasn't too overwhelming.

I believe transitioning back into an office/work environment takes practice. The other posts that mention temp work is good advice. Also volunteering, even a few hours a week, would get you back into the swing of commuting, dressing differently than you would working from home and interacting with others.

I know it is a daunting idea. I still worry about when I finish school and will (hopefully) be looking at a full-time job out of the home. It will be a completely new experience for me, too.

If you can find ways to take small steps instead of jumping in all at once, I think the transition will be less stressful.

I think many of us in this profession are dealing with this fear, which can be a paralyzing fear.

For what it's worth, I found that as I have been leaving the house more with school activities, working with various programs on campus, I actually am better with people than I realized. Whether it's age, determination or maybe just desperation to get out of MT, I don't know. I work with people better than I thought I would be capable of. I have found I like getting away from the computer.

It will still be a different world working full time away from home when that time comes, but really know that you are not alone in your feelings.

I'm in the same boat, and decided to start changing - FBL

[ In Reply To ..]
my routine now in ways that will fit an "outside" job later. Buying work clothes here and there when I see items on sale. Currently working on keeping hair styled and putting on a little makeup every day. Plan to add, one by one, making a brown bag lunch every morning; getting dressed fully before going into my office, etc. I also role play a little...pretend my office is downtown, not in my home, and coworkers are next door. I set up a coffee station/break area in my office a while back. Loving that anyway LOL.

Also, and probably more important, try to get out of the house and interact with others more. This is probably what you are dreading the most, if you are like me. Need to learn how to chit chat and make small talk again. Good luck!

role playing and practice - anon37

[ In Reply To ..]
The role playing is spot on for practice. Especially the advice to gradually acquire "work place" clothes and getting used to the routine of getting "dolled up" in the morning.

I joined a bowling league about a year ago to try to get used to chit chat and being around people again. Kinda sad when you have to "practice" being social.

The bowling alley is like my stomping ground now. I have made so many friends there, and it has become my outlet and escape from MT.

I was so quiet and introverted there for a while. Even the small crowd was intimidating. Funny thing though, one of my teammates told me just yesterday that I was such a friendly person as opposed to the "Killer Ice Queen" impression when I first joined the league. They used those exact words. I just didn't know how to talk to people. Killer Ice Queen? Really? Ha.

It really is something I have had to work at. Like a skill I've lost and had to make a decision to relearn. But I knew I had to in order to plan getting out of MT. Taking small steps helps.

More advice - USMT

[ In Reply To ..]
All of the above ideas are great. One more I might add is that maybe you should start off in a smaller office setting which would feel less intimidating to you. If possible, try to shoot for a job in that setting. Many of us have been in similar situations. I started college at 35 years old and it was really intimidating to be with 18-year-olds. I adjusted and did very well. My problem? Panic attacks. Of course, I couldn't finish because of family illness and I never went back. You also need a personal cheerleader - a family member, close friend who will be there for you to encourage you. You will get through it. Good luck to you!

Boy can I relate!! The thought terrifies me too. - I agree with many of SM

[ In Reply To ..]
the above suggestions. I think a temp job would be a good thing to try, and I think a very temp temp job at first. One more thought: Try to picture all of these people NAKED. Seriously, it might help your anxiety a bit. :)

I did - NJMT

[ In Reply To ..]
After working at home for 20 years and my company constantly running out of work I decided to give it up and go in-house. I made the transition first by keeping my job at home and working per diem. After a year the job opened up full time. I too was hesitant about the commute, the work clothes and office politics, but it has all worked out for the best. I now have full benefits, paid time off and I actually nearly quadrupled my salary. There are days when I don't want to make the effort to "get ready" and actually drive to work but everything outweighs these little inconveniences. Like you I was scared and hesitant as I'm well over 50 and wasn't sure I could make it out there, but it's been the most positive experience and the best move I've made in years. Good luck in whatever you decide.

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