at the end of my rope - annynon

I am just sooo depressed and under stress that I can no longer stand it. Backtrack to a year ago, moved into an apartment that I absolutely fell in love with and here in South Florida (Miami area), was "affordable" at $800 a month, but having to pay utilities. (I basically had an enlongated card table and a desk chair and a 19" TV, which was a gift in my living room, queen sized bed and no dresser when I moved in.

At that time, I was working for a wonderful MTSO -- no VR, straight typing and was able to pay rent on time, as well as utilities and no car payments -- I dont have a car and with the craziness here in the Miami area, not sure if I want one :)

Fast forward to May -- rent paid everything paid -- money in the bank and my MTSO was killed in a car accident; rather than continue with the company it was dissolved since she basically was a "one-woman show." Of course, I started the "job hunt, too many tests to even consider and getting frustrated. I accepted a position with "the company that has to deal with eyes" and am still on QA with them, making a paltry salary and having to deal with 99% of their reports (on a new account) being VR. I am in my mid 50s, and finding that while I can still type, the keyboard commands they want us to use are "somewhat impossible;" i.e. alt+: to insert a colon. I find it much easier to use my mouse, but of course, this company, like many others expects so many lines per hour doing VR and like some here, I think there are people who feel that it is just quicker to type the report. We as MTs have turned into the "donkey having the carrot dangled in front of us," and frankly, I am sooo tired of this profession. I would love to get out but turning 55 soon. I talked to a disability attorney about a condition that I have had since birth, and his response was "well if you can sit and type for 8 hours, then no disability, but if you end up with a backache and arthritis, its a different story."

I am a single woman and while I have someome that is in my life, however, he ran into circumstances with his job, where he was laid off because of paperwork not being properly submitted (government contractor) and fired because the paperwork that he needed to work still had not gone through. His credit went down the tubes as a result and he is now, having to pay almost $400 every 2 weeks to the credit card company that he had been making timely payments on -- his credit went from perfect to crap and of course, we MTs will soon be the new "Billy Goats Gruff;" in the sense that WE will be the ones living under the bridges.

I watched a show the other night regarding China -- they are "crying now" for workers over there -- a supervisor that they showed had a wife, and 2 children --he had an apartment (2 bedroom -- paid for, they recieved "food stipends" (thinking food stamps) and he still made $400 a month. Try living in ANY major metropolitan area here in the US for that.

I get very tired of people who make the comment of, "well just move." If you have a spouse or someone else in your life, it's not that easy. If you have children, its even harder -- your uprooting a whole family. I guess I look at this way -- I have a laptop if I can get a connection "under my bridge," I can still work. All I ask that that there are those of us who have really fallen on desperate times -- I have been from one end of the spectrum to another and NEVER judged a person. I really am at the point, where I have prayed and asked that I don't wake up the next morning. I have family, but circumstances are difficult for them as well, both financially and personally.

Anyway, thank you for letting me get this off my chest and hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.