Short background. I am 32 years old. I am married, have 2 kids ages 5 and 2 and work FT.
Is this a mental health issue when a person appears to be spaced out. What is happening is that I will have a conversation with someone and when the conversation is over and already started on the next one, my mind doesn’t really shut down and I will be still thinking about what was said in the previous conversation that I don’t hear what was said in the next. I don’t know if that makes sense or not. Or another example, I will be thinking of something like what I want to do, about a previous conversation I had and someone will call me and I will be so deep in thought I cannot hear the person calling. I do this daily. I have been bad about this all my life but when something is bothering me it is 100% worse. It always affected my schoolwork and it also affects my job and relationships. I try to control myself but I have failed. Mom thinks I am have epileptic seizures and needs to see a neurologist. I don’t think it is seizures.
Also, I think I must be suffering some kind of mental health issue where I will just be sitting and all of the sudden I will get so mad. No one has said or done anything to provoke it, but I will start thinking about something and get so mad, start rubbing my head and get the urge to kick something hard or toss something across the room or scream at the top of my lungs.
Lately, people say I perceive things wrong. Mom says she is worried about the safety of my kids because of this that I described and told me I needed to get some sort of help. I accused her of calling me unfit. She said no, she thinks there is a short circuit somewhere. Then I said oh so I am crazy, she said no your getting it all wrong. Right now I cannot speak to mom without getting into an argument and a huge meltdown on my part.
To tell the truth I have been worried too. 10 years ago, I was never this way. I have always been spacey but this anger is new. Use to if I had a bad run-in with someone, for example, I would think oh well tomorrow is another day, no big deal. Now, I will dwell on it and dwell on it until I just want to yank that persons hair out or kick them in the face of whatever. (I haven’t yet gotten physical with anyone yet). I don’t understand what has gotten into me. When my kids cross me when I am having one of these episodes, I have managed to just go to another room, count to 10 but there has been a few times I have screamed at them from the top of my lungs and then later think “oh crap” that was unnecessary. I secretly worry about my kids too.
I called my PCP and I have an appointment set up for Monday. I sure hope she can help. Maybe this is just a lack of self-discipline on my part. I have tried but just don’t know how to control it or make this horrible feeling I get inside me just stop. It is so hard for me to get anything done. I try to get myself to do house work, I manage to pick clothes up off the floor and into the hamper. Then, I start to feel tired and quit although, I am far from being finished with my housework. This is so unlike me. Used to I would get things done and ready to go have some fun. Not anymore. |
