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I have been going through such odd phases lately. Sorry if this message turns out to be a long post, I am just kind of letting it out for the first time. I dont know if I am just under a good deal of stress or if this is a form of depression. My husband works third shift and when he is home he sleeps during the day..I almost basically have no help when the kids, except when he has a 3-day weekend. I have two daughters, 5 and 1. The oldest one NEVER listens to me it seems..the slightest things she does make me so mad and get on my nerves, and the little one is a crybaby quite a bit of the time. I do get mad and angry and yell at the oldest, and I feel terrible because I feel that it makes me into a bad parent. I know it makes her feel bad, but I am just so on the edge these days that any little thing sets me off. I really dont spank her, just try to give her timeouts and the like, but again it doesnt work and it is even worse when we go over to other peoples houses. Yesterday I was feeling okay, not really feeling "depressed", but the two days before that I did feel depressed. I dont feel that way when I wake up in the mornings, but it seems to slowly progress throughout the day. The feeling doesnt cause me to stay in bed or anything like that, and I can still go about my normal everyday life and work, do the housework, that sort of thing. I dont think I am suicidal, although at times I think about death in general when I feel like this. Suicide in general I sometimes think of, NOT in the sense of doing it, but just in the sense of it happening..it is so hard to put into words and explain it the way I think of it, but I want to repeat that I DO NOT have suicidal tendencies. I have started to notice that this seems to happen almost every month closer to around the time of my period, maybe a week or 10 days from it starting. I havent been keeping track of when it starts though. I have not been on birth control since my husband had a vasectomy last November, and I am wondering if my hormones could be going kinda wacky on me or something. I just dont like feeling this way when it comes about and the way I am with the kids. My patience has absolutely dwindled to zero tolerance lately. Even though my oldest goes to kindergarten, the things she does and does not do still find a way to get under my skin. I dont know if this is normal or if anyone else has had anything similar to the way I feel, but I think it is either stress or depression, but I have no clue which one. Any ideas what this could be? It doesnt happen all the time, just seemingly around midcycle or maybe 7-10 days before my period gets here..it might not even do it every month, but since I havent been keeping track Im not sure. I know its been doing it kind of on and off since last week, and Im starting to think Im going crazy or something. |
