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of being this way, I think it's safe to say this probably isn't going to change. I don't mean to be a downer because I am a step-mom myself, for almost 10 years. I came into his life when he was very small. He doesn't remember me not being around. We had a fantastic relationship until about the age of 5 and then things somewhat deteriorated. Like yours, daddy favors and wants to make him feel special, loved, and all that but pushed me aside often (not to the extreme of yours). Finally I had a discussion with dad to let him know that he was hindering, not helping, my relationship with SS. He was creating a 3rd wheel and I wouldn't live like that. Either I was going to be considered a "parent" in my own home, or not, and I would make the decision on my life accordingly. I was not content with being the "friend." Things were better after that point. I think he just needed to know that I did care and I did want to be a part and it wasn't being forced on me...and more importantly the child had to know that my being there, and being included, was not a choice. It was just the way it was going to be. We still aren't as close as we used to be but I think that also comes with growing up and a boy needing dad more than mom.
I know how hard this can be but do you really want to live the rest of your life this way? And what's to happen if/when the 2 of you have your own child? Do you want that child to be pushed aside too. Like the other poster said, choose the right time but I think you owe it to yourself and your relationship to have a heart-to-heart with him and let him know how you feel...don't just point fingers. Not saying this will be a quick fix, we still have problems, but it certainly opened the lines of communication for us. Good luck. I hope it works out. |
After 5 years - a stepmom
