Thank you all for your responses. I have to say that I'm a little shocked by some of the comments, but I I didn't post everything.
I didn't actually prevent my child from talking to her. My daughter answered and handed it to my son, and then he proceeded to answer all of her questions about where we were going and what we were doing and what I got him for his birthday.
I didn't put them in the middle or tell them how I felt about it. I felt like she overstepped her boundaries, but I decided to post my feelings about it on a public message board rather than say anything in front on them. I decided I would get some unbiased opinions here before I said anything to anyone. The last thing I want is to put them in the middle or hurt them.
I've decided that I'm going to e-mail my ex and ask him not to give my phone number to other people without my permission and leave it at that.
I do feel that I haven't been a vindictive or jealous ex spouse. #1 entered the picture right as we were separating, and my kids were really, really angry about it. My kids saw us as still married and just fighting, so they did not want anything to do with #1. In fact, they planned this Parent Trap type sabatoge. I caught them packing worms and slugs in a jar, Ex-Lax, and bubble bath that they were planning to put in her shampoo bottle. I sat them down and told them that they were under no circumstances to sabatoge #1. I told them that they were to treat her with respect even if they didn't like her, just as they would treat a teacher that they didn't like. I also told them that she was not the cause of our divorce, and that they didn't have to hate her. She was around for a while, and the last few times the kids came back saying, "She says all the same stuff to dad that you do, but she screams it at him." Then she disappeared. Despite the fact that they didn't like her, they still had a hard time with her disappearing without a formal goodbye.
#2 and #3 were just one-weekend things. My daughter was actually devastated because #2 had a daughter that was her age. She was excited to go back and play with the daughter and was already telling people that she was going to have this really cool step-sister, but by the next visit he was already on to #3.
There were 2 more that he dated that I was aware of, but neither wanted to meet the kids, so the kids don't know about them.
Now we are on to #4. I'm upset that his family has stopped calling and sending cards and gifts, and #4 seems to be the replacement. The second time they met her, he flew the kids to her house for Christmas, and there was no contact whatsoever with his family, although they sent gift cards to my home for the kids. Now my son's birthday came, and his family ignored it, but girlfriend is calling.
My kids always describe going to dad's house like getting on a roller coaster, and coming home as getting off the ride. So, when she called, I guess I felt like she was encroaching upon my kids' drama-free zone. |
Thanks for the responses... - D
