You can't control your ex. Period. You can only control what happens in your home. Your ex felt it appropriate for the GF to call your son and wish him happy birthday. Be thankful she didn't drop by or ask to come over for a visit. Trust me, if you try to put the kids in the middle of a struggle of what you think is appropriate for the kids, the kids lose. I don't know the age of your son, but you can certainly talk to him about how he felt about it. He most likely felt nothing considering he has only met her twice. Sort of like a peer who knows somebody who knows somebody who called to say happy birthday.
As far as the family not recognizing the kids' birthdays - either get used to it, or you call them and ask if they would like to speak with him. The dissolution of marriages cause supposed love ones to vanish like flies around a vinegar trap. It isn't your ex's job to have his family maintain a relationship with your kids. That responsibility falls to the extended family.
I would certainly encourage the kids to send greeting cards or make phone calls to the other side of the family to acknowledge their important dates. It might help them feel less awkward about how they should be behaving in the situation. They may simply just not know what involvement is wanted or expected and need some guidance -- but only if the child wants that contact.
I'm the grannie raising my granddaughter and I have watched every single person who claimed to love this child fall by the wayside if it weren't for my being proactive in trying to maintain the relationships she and I feel are important to her feeling connected to the family. That means my going to my ex in-laws who talked badly about me for over a decade...looking them in the face and watching the joy my granddaughter has in surrounding herself with family. They simply don't know how to handle the situation. My daughter had a new guy move in with her 2 weeks after she brought the little one to me. At 6 weeks, she wanted to introduce him to me and her. I told her straight up he had to make it to the year anniversary mark before I would allow the new guy to meet my granddaughter. I won't let her confuse her and play "who's your daddy" game.
I better stop now...like I said, I could write a book. I hope you find that sort through the negotiating thing of this for the best of the kids and try to put your personal feelings secondary to that goal (not that I think you aren't doing that, just saying).
Good luck.  |
I could write a book about this, but I'll - try to keep it simple
