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have remorse about it because (a) the (ex)-boyfriend that got her pregnant was a creep and she didn't want to be tied to him in this way forever; and (b) in order to stay in school. She had just started college, which our dad, a very strict, authoritarian sort of person with old-fashioned values, was paying for 100%. She knew that without a doubt, if he had found out she'd gotten pregnant (and he was a Catholic - compounding the problem!), that he would have pulled the plug on her college-funding and kicked her out of the house. That would have ruined the rest of her life. As a result of being able to have an AB on-request, and without my parents' knowledge, she was able to finish her education and get a Master's Degree in Education. She went on to become a fine teacher who got all sorts of awards for her innovative teaching ideas. Later, she changed careers and now works in the healthcare industry in the area of aging well. Without her education, she would be working a low-paying job, and possibly even made the mistake of marrying the good-for-nothing boyfriend, just to keep a roof over her head.
Anyway, that's HER story. Everyone's situation, reasons for doing what they do, and feelings about it afterward are different.
Just going through with the birth of the child & putting it up for adoption doesn't necessarily guarantee it a good home, either. Especially if it doesn't happen to be a Caucasian child with no health problems, which is what not all, but most, people want.
Other people have ABs because the remorse they say they would feel for that is less than what they would feel if they actually delivered, and saw, the child, and then had to give it up. Anyway, everything in life has a price, there are always decisions to make. You made the decision you had to make at the time, so I hope that in time your sadness dissipates. If you had to do it over again NOW, then of course you probably wouldn't. But this is now and that was then, so please try not to feel too sad about the past. Now that you do have children, I'd be willing to bet that you're loving them even more, and taking care of them even better, than you might have if you hadn't had to part with your first pregnancy. So in a way, your first child's legacy lives on in the lives you're providing for your existing children now. And that's what matters most in the end. |
I never have, but my sister did. She didn't - sm - anon.-2
