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some ADHD children have difficulty in school, not all do. There are some who are extremely high achievers academically. My son, in particular, is not. He has struggled in school his whole life. He usually does not feel remorse for what he has done unless he has caused significant injury and then he usually blames it on something or someone else never ever, ever taking responsibility. He swears uncontrollably and calls his sister and brother all kinds of filthy swear names. Not all ADHD children are built the same. What may be for one child, may not be for the other. I had a girlfriend whose son was ADHD. He was mouthy, disrespectful, impulsive, and incredibly difficult to handle. However, he didn't have the violence part at all. Never touched one of his siblings. I also knew a teacher in my son's elementary school who had a newphew with ADHD and is a college graduate. The one thing that got me with your post is that you mentioned his impulsivity. That is absolutely huge, huge, huge with ADHD children. They have an inability to control their own impulses, hence, they hit, throw things, swear, punch walls, etc. They get angry when they have to be disciplined because in their minds they did nothing wrong so why do they have to be punished. Or they feel that, "Hey, they made me mad so they deserved it." It is kind of like a double whammy for parents of these kids. First, they hit, punch, slap, punch walls, etc., and then when you try to punish them, they get even worse. I, too, have tried spanking and the only time it ever seems to work is when I come unglued at my seams, but not necessarily getting physical with him. Everywhere we go as a family or just me and the kids is a battle to end all battles. There is excruciating fighting (fist fighting sometimes) in the car so bad that sometimes they shake the car all over the street, at the malls, fist fights in Wal-Mart (always with him as the instigator), fist fights at grocery stores, fighting and loud swearing at the beach or at someone's house. When I say fist fights, I mean literally fighting so that he and his brother (it usually is always with his younger brother but not always) are on the floor smashing at each other. ADHD is hereditary so search for someone in your family who has it. Also, I was told by a counselor with a Masters degree that it was discovered that ADHD comes from a mutated gene usually when one or both parents have alcoholism. I'm certainly not saying that you or your spouse are alcoholics, but I have looked into some of the people I know with children who have ADHD and there usually is an alcoholic parent or grandparent. In my case, it is either my father or my husband's mother or father as all three were alcoholics. I opted out of medication for my son stating to the doctors that I thought that just my husband and I being together and having an intact family unit would benefit my son, and all the doctors agreed that that was huge. Also, there are nasty side effects with some of the ADHD medication and I have watched my friends go through hell with their children who have ADHD, anywhere from inability to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning to weight loss to serious depression. I have watched them go back to the doctor every week or every month, reconfigure the medication dose because it stopped working, change the medication, add to the medication, head off to the counselors once or twice a month, etc. I could go on and on. Hope some of this information helps. I know what it is like to have a child that you just don't know what to do with anymore. My son also can be very loving and sweet. I just love it when he is going off to bed and calls from his room, "Mom, love you." Like my husband, when he is good he is the best kid you would want to be around, but when he is bad look out. It is unlike anything you have seen before in any child ever created. Best of luck to you. You are certainly not alone. |
While I agree that...sm - One In The Same
