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I have seen this in two different children in the family and they were all middle children. I know some may say there is no such thing as the middle-child syndrome but I say different. My daughter has two friends who were middle children growing up and they both had outbursts and seemed upset all the time, and their parents were constantly upset about them. In seeing this in my family and with friends, I really truly believe there is something to this. My mother is a middle child also and I can see she is perceived differently by her own siblings. She has been treated ugly by her younger sister and older brother. Her own parents (my grandparents) have always treated her differently, even though they would deny they have. I have seen it with my SIL and her daughter, the middle child. Now, on the other hand, the couple of middle children I have not seen it happen in was where the other children, one older and one younger, were opposite sex; she had two brothers. My mother had a sister and brother, my other family members also have sisters and brothers, but the ones with two siblings of the opposite sex than they, seemingly have no problems like this. A close friend had an older son, then a daughter, and then the youngest girl. The middle daughter began this behavior as well very early on. Since my girlfriend was a middle child, she quickly picked up on this and started spending time with this child alone and doing activities completely separate from the other siblings. She did tell me that if she were perfectly honest, she realized the oldest child probably did get more attention and then the second came along, probably not the same amount of attention, and then with the baby, of course, lavishing again because that child was the baby of the home. Being a middle child herself, she was very honest about this and knew what she felt like, so from early on, she spent a lot of time with this child, which may have seemed over doing it to the other siblings, but I have to say, it really changed things for the better for this child. She seemed to just blossom and the negative behavior just stopped. They took pictures of her by herself without other siblings around, movies alone with her, time cooking in the kitchen, just a lot of one-on-one time, and it really changed her for the better. I'm really sorry this is happening but I have to say, I've seen this happening over and over in my family and my friends. There is something to this middle-child thing. I think without even realizing it, parents are behaving differently toward the middle child; I can't put my finger on it but even I know we took tons of pictures of our first and as parents know, we tend to put the next child in everything together with the first, and sometimes their own identify gets lost in the shuffle.....you know?
My girlfriend did have a particular doctor who wrote books on this and she read a lot of the books, which she said made a lot of sense to her. She did not want her middle child to feel the way she did growing up and with the suggestions made, she did try them, and the return was great!! Maybe try this? I know you love this child just as much, but I'm certain the frustration you feel (and it sounds your son feels as well) is coming through. With his age, he just doesn't have the coping skills to know what is bothering him necessarily, so maybe a good book on this would help you.
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Okay, this may sound weird but..... - sm
