16-year-old daughter - need help from all who have gone through this
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need advice desperately on 2008-07-16
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Just found out that my 16-year-old, good kid, honor student, has been leading a double life for the past two years. I found out through some snooping and confronted her. She fessed up to drinking and smoking but swears no drugs. The times that I thought she was sleeping over at the house of her friends that I knew, she was apparently sleeping at random places with a bunch of other kids that I don't even know, as she feels that this is completely appropriate and was "doing nothing wrong". She swears she has not had sex. She apparently has a lot of guy friends and most of them I don't even know and did not even know existed.
She feels that now that she has come clean, I should be okay with this whole situation and allow her to continue to live her lifestyle that she simply "loves and is unwilling to give up". We have been fighting daily. I have not told her father about this, because he is "european" and would definitely come down hard on her and I don't even know what he would do. She tells me that she will definitely leave if I tell him.
She demands one day a week that she can sleep out whereever she pleases and I should be okay with that. I am not. I am at my wits end. She swears she will leave if I "don't leave her alone".
My rules are simple:
1. Home by curfew (11:30 friday and saturday) and 10 weeknights in the summer (but I don't feel she needs to go out every night and she disagrees).
2. I no longer let her take the care whenever she wants, as I don't trust her.
3. She can socialize with her friends and I will pick her up and drive her within reasonable distance close to home.
4. I can even learn to live with the drinking, as long as she gets home safe by my picking her up or having a safe ride home.
5. I don't want her sleeping out any more.
She is fighting me tooth and nail and is swearing she will leave the house if I don't "leave her alone".
We used to get along so well or so I thought, and now I find out she is a complete stranger and not at all the daughter I thought I had.
I am so depressed and don't know what to do. I don't want to have to tell my husband, but she is leaving me no choice but I am scared to death that she will leave. The worst part is that she knows my fear and is using it to get to me.
I desperately need some good sound advice.
Thanks and sorry so long. |
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