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Is she sensible? There are not many 16-y/o that have not tried drinking or smoking, it is all part of trying new things,etc. and it will happen whether you like it or not. You have to learn to trust her to make smart decisions and to make her own mistakes but obviously to guide her and make sure she doesn't get off track too. Very hard line to follow. I first tried drinking when I was 15, though didn't get better access to it until I was a senior in high school 16/17 (I was a young senior, November B-day) (a friend of mine had an older boyfried who would buy beer, and her parents would buy it too as long as we drank there, and every one would walk home as we all lived close). My parents never knew I drank until one night I can home trashed after going out with a different friend, and my "date" had MadDog, nasty stuff, and I got obliterated as I did not realize what that crud would do to me. Lucky for me my dad was out of the country at the time. My punishment was being forced to go to school with a horrible hangover (though I puked my guts out in my friend's car) and having to double date for my senior prom which was not that a big deal as my one BF (had 3) was living with us as her parents decided to move with 1 month left to go in school and we were both going to the prom with guys that were friends (my boyfriend had broken up with me about a month before as he found out he had a baby --the girl wanted him to marry him--and wanted to concentrate/deal with that....took the girl to court and won custody eventually). My mom never told my dad of my coming come drunk off my butt for which I was very grateful. As for sex, I decided to wait on that until out of school or at least until I really wanted to, and with a boy that would not flap his jaws, I purposefully dated guys from other schools, mainly out of state (lived at PA/DE border) as I had found guys lied quite a bit to make themselves look good back in 1982 or so. I would have had sex with the one guy above with the baby but I had enough sense to stop things before it was too late as I did not want to get pregnant (didn't know about the baby he had as yet, though nor did he) (one friend had at 15 and miscarried fortunately, and another was constantly having "scares"). I actually went and got on the pill while still a virgin so when it did happen I would be protected. --- is your daughter that sensible and with some common sense? I did a lot of stupid things along with the "smart" things I doing, just got lucky and came out of it okay. At 16 you want to experiment and have fun. All my friend and I were A/B students, 1 smoked and did all sorts of drugs. I would drink and smoke pot now and them (1 x a week or so), and again parents NEVER knew it. I remember one time my dad picked me up at school after play practice (was helping out with set design), I was stoned, had been slipped angel dust and had been hallucinating about an hour or two prior, was still pretty high. He wanted me to drive home for practice (I was 16), I turned him down because I was "very tired".....he never knew, I crawled into bed the minute I got home. I was very, very good at hiding it from my parents, how they didn't smell it on me I never knew, unless they just ignored it. My best friend smoked and they new that so I guess that helped cover it up a bit. Despite all this I was very anti-drug (anything but pot) as I had seen too many people messed up on coke, crank, LSD, etc. I was furious with my BF's brother as he was the one who slipped me the angel dust, I got lucky as nothing bad happened to me. He is dead now, ended up addicted to coke, then alcohol, got hepatitis, car-jacked 3 cars for drug money, and ended up in prison with a 20 year sentence, got out after 8 years in 2006, then got addicted to painkillers, they found him dead in his apartment, killed by mixing alcohol and painkillers. This just happened about 8 months ago. He was only 42. Very sad as he was a smart guy but had many, many problems and never got his life together. Obviously this does not happen to everyone who does drugs, it all depends on the person and their upbringing. His sister (one of my BFs) is a successful therapist, drinks but quit smoking several years ago, never got into hard drugs like her brother. ---sorry for the rambling, but don't go overboard and lock her up, that will just make her go in the opposite direction. Obviously you need to set limits, etc, and try to know where she is and who she is with, and set punishments if you catch her doing it and let her know what those punishments will be, whether it is grounding for a month, or no cell phone, no TV, no driving, whatever, be firm and stick to it. I know that my brothers and I all did stuff, most of which we got away with, but it was shear luck and stupidity when I look back at it. Not all kids are so lucky. I hope you daughter is one of the lucky ones. |
A lot depends on your daughter, not just you - sm - xxx
