I don't understand why you don't think your replies are rude. She was replying to Ms. Done with what she has been through. I don't find that her case is all that different. I was reading all the posts below and actually got lost so I'll post here. I'll tell you what I have learned. When you are growing up and your parents are miserable together that is what children think a relationship is supposed to be like because they don't know any better. They think its okay to insult and belittle their spouse, they think its okay to fight all the time. It's not. I wrote in my post and I'll write it again. Children are a lot stronger than we believe. The children always come first before anything, but when you are in an abusive relationship you cannot honestly say to a person "hey, so what if your being abused the bruises are not visible, stay in, keep letting him treat you like this, because there is not a visible injury the kids don't care". You know what. The kids DO care. Kids want their parents to be happy. When the parents are happy they have so much more to give to the kids instead of having to hide the misery they are going through. Sure sometimes its hard in the beginning but kids are genuinely more happy when their parents are happy. And they will in turn learn to treat their spouses with respect. Of course someone should try counseling before just up and leaving, but if you have a spouse that writes you letters pointing out your errors and flaws and then feels they have done nothing wrong that is not healthy. If that spouse will not agree to counseling then there are another alternative and that is to leave. Do not stay in an abusive relationship and keep being abused by a spouse because you have to stay there for your kids. That was what people did in the 60s and 70s and probably before then. This is the year 2008. There are better ways to live.