Does my hubby love me?
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Posted By:
melisa on 2008-05-25
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Guys, I feel so sick to my stomach right now. I really do not know what to do. Some time last year I posted on here about how I had caught my hubby looking at gay and transexual porn on the net. He had also been calling a lot of phone sex numbers. The looking at gay and tranny porn stopped so I never confronted him about that but I did confront him about the phone sex lines and he said he just called to listen and never talked to anyone. He said he did it to get back at me b/c I had been chatting with some guy friends online. Yeah...whatever. That did not even make since but I let it slide b/c we were going through a tough time with us losing our house. Well now we have an apartment and I really though things were going to be better but it's not. I feel sad and unhappy most of the time. I love him sooooo much and would die for him but I feel like he does not love me like I do him. We have been married for a little over a year and I have to beg him for sex, he never touches me, never kisses me except for them to be chicken pecks like you would give your mom and dad, never cuddles me. I feel so alone. And he has a child from a previous relationship and the only thing he loves and cares about is that child. I know he is not going to put me before his child and I understand that, but I would like to be as important to him as he is...I mean I'm his wife for goodness sake. When his son is here, I am invisible. I could get in my car and be gone for hours and I do not think he would even realize I'm gone except for if he needs me to clean or make him something to eat. I bend over backwards for him and do anything and he won't do one thing for me. He always talks about all this crap he wants and I have to listen to it and I never ask for one single thing. When I want to talk about something concerning me he don't even listen...it's one word answers from him. He never tells me I look good anymore or anything. I feel like I am fat, ugly, and a waste of oxygen sometimes. I know I shouldn't let how he treats me affect my self-esteem but I can't help it. I feel so unloved. I got married hoping to never feel lonely again and now I feel more lonely than ever. I don't understand, he acted so differently when we first got together. I miss it so much. I feel like it's not fair..I don't know what I have done wrong to deserve this. Anyways, besides all that, after having caught him looking up gay and tranny porn I installed spy software on the pc to monitor what he does. He has been looking at regular porn which i do not mind but now he has stopped that and has been looking at craig's list for casual encounters. Porn did not bother me because it is not real..it's fantasy. but craig's list...that's real people looking for real sex. And he is not looking for women, he is looking at tranny's. He did it yesterday with me right outside! Oh God what do I do? What if he is looking to really act out on this? Is he gay? Tell me what you guys think. I just wish I could go to sleep some times and never wake up. I just want to go home to my mom, dad, and bro and be happy again. |
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