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Mom dying, dad with Alzheimer's, so I'm taking care of both, though my dad was still independent in ADLs. I worked at home so I didn't really work and I was supposed to take everyone to the doctor. My sister had 3 days off, the same time as my son's/husband's birthdays. She said she would come help one day, but that needed time for herself. I'm the one with young kids, I'm the one trying to maintain 2 households and work full-time ....... I finally moved in with my parents, gave up any privacy, spent 98% of my waking time when not working taking care of someone or something. I don't regret it and I would do most of it all over again because I'm a caretaker, but if there are 4 other siblings why should I have to carry the burden. After my mom died I fell apart. I had to put my dad in a facility and my sister said she would take over primary caregiver duties, but she was hit or miss. Her kids were grown and out of the house, her DH was always off playing golf. She complained that my dad was only getting 2 showers a week, but she wasn't willing to go give him a shower. She complained about using all her vacation time for doctor's visits - like I didn't have to either take vacation or make up my time. I could go on and on. They told us in grief counseling that in most families there is one that always ends up doing everything.
The only thing I can say is that when your dad is gone you can seek comfort in knowing that you did all you could to help him, that you were there for him when it counted. Your sister will be the only who has to live with the guilt that she wasn't there (and she will suffer, must maybe not right away). At the same time I think your dad is just thinking about what he wants and I completely understand. My mother wanted to die at home in her own bed, not a hospital bed, even if she was still at home she didn't want a hospital bed, but I also think it puts a lot of stress on you and one day he will be gone and you'll have to pick up the pieces and continue on and there may be a day when you can no longer care for him at home.
I was very long-winded, but what I'm trying to say is don't worry about your sister. Focus on your dad and do what you can do and that is all you can do.
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My story was the same, except it was my mom. - BTDT got the T-shirt
