This will probably be long, sorry for that. I have very often talked about my children on this blog and many times have talked about what a great son I have. He is 17yrs old and I thought a really happy well-rounded kid. I was at my parent's house last night when for whatever reason my "other" mother checked her e-mail. There was a message from my SIL about my son. Apparently my niece had gone to my son's MYspace page and read something disturbing. I have never had a problem with my kids being on myspace because I would have my daughter check my nieces' page and my SIL would have her DD check my kid's pages. They have alway been fun and innocent.
My son has a very long post that is definitely too long to type here, but it essentially talks about how unhappy he is i.e. "I've had enough of the constant aching ", "I'm waiting patiently, Hanging on for the end, Opitism has escaped me.", I'll do this on my own, but it's dark and cold, being my myself all alone. And it hurt's so bad", I've given up trying, to fight and set it free, biut I'm sinking deeper, and it keeps killing me.
We printed the pages and I came home and talked with my husband. We then talked to him. His response "It was a joke". We talked and argured for about an hour. This is not a joke, where is the humor. My husband backed up everything I said but he himself said very little because quite frankly he came from the least dysfunctional family there is, and I if you look up dysfunction in the dictionary you would see a pic. of my family.
I know we didn't get any real answers because "just a joke" is not a real answer. I kept saying what is funny about this? and he had no answer to that.
My son is a straight A student, is extremely active in after school activities. He is going to Wash. DC this weekend with the FBLA for a state competition. He spent this past Saturday working with his art club raising funds for animal rescue missions. He and DH were at an away tennis match while I was at my parents. He is going to Africa this summer for 2 weeks on a mission trip and is so excited he can hardly stand it. He talks about college "all the time". He knows exactly where he wants to go and he has an excellent chance of getting accepted there. I asked him if he felt he was under too much pressure. Was there so much going on in his life that he felt maybe he couldn't handle it all. He said no way. He said do I seem like the kind of kid that would commit suicide? No he doesn't but isn't that what we always say when something like this happens. He is the last person we would have expected to do this.
I have thought about calling our pastor, a therapist, his friends and their parents (we are quite close will most all of his friends and their parents) a guidance counselor, but I don't see him talking to anyone. Either he is in denial, refuses to tell us the truth so I don't think he would tell anyone the truth, or it was just a stupid pathetic joke.
I have cried and cried until my eyelids feel like sandpaper. I haven't even begun to type today and it is after 11:00. Does anyone have any wise words to share? I really need a hug. |
