I guess it's an occupational hazard, isn't it? I have these bouts where I just withdraw and don't want nuttin' to do with no one--sometimes for weeks a a time, then I get almost manic and freeze up physically and mentally, which can last for days, and then one day I'm happy as a clam and glad to be alive...then the cycle repeats.
I'm geographically isolated anyway but this 'career' is just mentally crippling when you are a person who needs to be forced to get up and out anyway or else they might sink into a depression, ya know?
I'm actually starting to get mild panic attacks if I have to drive anywhere--how f'd up is that?! This not where I had planned to be at this time of my life--or ever for that matter! Serious midlife cris going on here in my head, so, yeah you're not alone.
If there were more opportunities in my neck of the woods, I would so be out of this business. But, alas, if I leave it's a MAJOR step backwards and I won't do that. You know what though, now that I'm thinking about it....I am a halfway decent cook, and did okay in chemistry class, and there sure are a lot of folks strung out on meth 'round these parts. I'm thinkin' maybe I should open up a meth lab and go into business for myself! It sure would get me back in touch 'with the people!'
|
