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And, I've had to deal with my share of 11 yo bullies. (I have one in my troop now who is absolutely driving me up a wall.) I've learned a lot over the years. For one thing, I know that while it's possible to be a very good influence on a child, it's also likely that parents who are having issues can, in just a moment, un-do any positive influence you've had on a child. I've also seen kids come back years later after I thought I had made no headway with them. They've come back to thank me for showing them patience and kindness and a better way to act. And, sadly, I've seen more than a few kids spin off out of control, right to the point of their own death.
Firstly, you have to think of your own child's safety, of course. If you can band with other parents in your neighborhood to provide supervision while this bully is around, that would be a great help. Agree on play areas, who is and is not allowed to be in the play area, be patient and teach the children general rules of good behavior. When the rules are violated, then there are consequences. If the bully cannot behave, especially if he's being dangerous. If you feel that he and the other children in his household are not being properly supervised or cared for at home, then call the authorities.
The other thing I've learned is to be very direct with problem children and parents, and to keep my emotions calm. No shouting, and always have an adult witness nearby. For many years, I would dance around direct language with parents, afraid that I might hurt their feelings. But that always leaves too much room for them to misunderstand what I really wanted. State exactly what you want the other person to know. "I have a problem with your child's behavior. I'm willing to help supervise, but only on these conditions." If the parent becomes argumentative or defensive, walk away and lock your door. Write down what you said and what happened. I don't want to scare you, but if there are questions later, accusations from the parent or child, you won't have to rely on your memory alone.
One can be patient and extend help to people who need it, but you don't have to put up with abuse, either. Use all of your resources -- other neighbors, authorities, your own talents, and do what you can, but be careful. |
After 11 yrs as a boy scout leader, I've seen all sorts of situations. - scout leader experience
