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This was given to me by one of my law professors. Thought it was cute -
"Twas The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking"
Whereas, on or about the period between sunset and sunrise, especially the hours of darkness, prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter referred to as "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including but not limited to, a small rodent of the family Mus musculus, characteristically having a pointed snout, small rounded ears, and a long naked or almost hairless tail.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter referred to as "Claus") would arrive at an unknown time thereafter. The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual and respective flat, rectangular frames containing a mattress resting on springs therein, and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort, and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the Party of the first Part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the Party of the second Part (hereinafter referred to as "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear appropriate for the nocturnal condition, e.g., kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause, and/or circumstance. The Party of the first Part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of said disturbance.
At that time, the Party of the first Part did observe, with some degree of wonder, amazement, and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter referred to as "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) hoofed ruminant mammals of the family Cervidae, characteristically having deciduous antlers (hereinafter referred to as "reindeer"). The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction, and guidance to the approximately eight (8) aforementioned reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The Party of the first Part witnessed aforementioned Claus, the Vehicle, and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to, and in the vicinity of, the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the aforementioned Vehicle arrived at the House, and said Claus entered said House by way of the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be dried leaves from the plant of the genus Nicotiana a/k/a tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the United States Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, said Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose, and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the aforementioned Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of said Vehicle, Deer, and Claus from said House, the Party of the first Part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
--Anonymous
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