ROFL!!! Here are still a few more...
[ Post a Reply ] [ View Follow Ups ] [ Comedy Stop ]
Posted By:
Me on 2007-09-02
In Reply to: WARNING: This is really gross but it's really funny so read it anyway! - TW
THE CROWD PLEASER: This is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER: This occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL: This occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
THE AFTERSHOCK: This has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE HONEYMOON'S OVER: This is any poopie created in the presence of another person
THE FLOATER: Characterized by its floatability, this poopie has been known to resurface after many flushings.
THE PEEK-A-BOO: Now you see it, now you don't. This poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
THE SNAKE CHARMER: A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position -- usually harmless.
THE PERFECT POOPIE: Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
THE CHILI POOPIE: Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili poopie stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
THE CABLE POOPIE: Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
THE SPLASH BACK POOPIE: You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
THE ABORTED POOPIE: You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do.
THE MACHINE GUN POOPIE: You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...freakin' commies.
THE HOUDINI POOPIE: You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.
THE GRAFFITI POOPIE: You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curly-Q hangs there...love it or leave it. It's your choice.
THE BORN AGAIN POOPIE: This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth ...you forget the pain quickly.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!
Reply By E-mail ||
Post QUICK reply [ See Related Messages ]
Follow-ups:
|
ROFL!!! Here are still a few more... - Me
