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Loss of confidence - Can relate

Posted: Feb 17th, 2017 - 12:33 pm In Reply to: Panic attacks and complete loss of confidence - are crippling me

Well, let me comment on this phenomenon.

I left MT 2-1/2 years ago for the very same reasons you all are leaving (or trying to), and now I work in the local rural hospital. My manager was simply awful at human relations on every conceivable level, but I got along with him well enough; we understood each other, I guess. Well, he decided to leave. In his place is a 28-year-old woman who is successfully climbing the corporate ladder. What an opportunity for her! I admire her gumption. The department consists of ~25 people. If not for her absolutely off-the-chart ego (understandable), it might be tolerable. When I take something to her that she has requested, she says, "You may leave now; please close the door." "Sure," I respond meekly.

Don't get me wrong...she's talented, creative, smart, qualified. But geesh. Every freakin' morning I walk into my office with her corrections sitting on my desk. Yesterday there were two items with red writing all over them to describe -- in humiliating detail -- what I did wrong and why. Never mind that I did this same process 400 times the day before, and they were all done perfectly. Let's be sure to concentrate on THESE two, why don't we? "If you like, I'll call these 2 doctors and fess up; I take full responsibility for this."

It's just like MT now, ya know. For the remainder of the day, my attention was kind of hazy, and I second-guessed EVERY thing I did. I could barely keep from crying because it was a reminder of the abuse rampant in MT. Why, oh why, couldn't I just brush it off like a normal person? The awful symptoms of depression settled over me like a black cloud.

Like you guys, MT ultimately destroyed my confidence. :( Today I'm so utterly unable to function that, honestly, I left a message for a psychologist saying that I needed counseling. This is NOT a joke. I hope he calls back quickly.


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